“Is that what you’re wearing?”
“I’d never let my children do that.”
“The reason you aren’t in a relationship is …”
Most of us have heard these and other phrases from family members from time to time. Sometimes, they’re well-meaning. Sometimes, a bit more malicious. But everybody seems to have at least one family member who can’t keep their opinions to themself.
But how intrusive are our families? And is their advice mostly unsolicited — or actually sought after? We asked 1,000 people to find out.
Intrusiveness of the Average Family
When asked how intrusive their family was on a scale of 1 to 5 (with 5 being extremely intrusive), most survey respondents ranked them right down the middle, with around 3 (neither intrusive nor nonintrusive) being the most common answer.
It seems older generations, who may not have living parents, are less likely to find their family members intrusive, while the youngest members of our survey — a generation still finding its place in the world — are most likely to find their families very intrusive.
When the data was split by gender, it showed women were somewhat more likely to find family advice intrusive. Perhaps this is because much of the US (including millennials) still embraces traditional gender roles, which means child-rearing, home-caring, and even work advice may be more often directed at women.
How Does Unsolicited Advice Make Us Feel?
The West may be the most laid-back of the American bunch. When asked how unsolicited family advice made them feel, participants from this region were the biggest group to answer “neutral.” However, respondents from the Southwest were the most likely to be glad for the advice. Midwesterners most frequently reported annoyance and anxiousness.
That said, the difference between each region was very slight. The Southwest was only slightly more likely to feel glad about unsolicited advice than other parts of the country. And Midwesterners were only a little more likely to report annoyance.
Would You Change Your Intrusive Family?
Interestingly, when asked if they would make their family less intrusive if they could, 31% of respondents who reported having an intrusive family said they wouldn’t change them. Even more curious, 38% of those who said their family was not intrusive wanted them to be even less meddlesome.
Of course, not all topics or family members are created equal when it comes to putting up with unsolicited advice. The advice from in-laws was less welcome than advice from family in every category. Further, survey respondents were far more open to receiving unsolicited advice about vacation time and their career or education than about child-rearing, their weight, or lifestyle choices. The topics of advice most likely to be unwelcome? Money from in-laws and dating or marriage from immediate family.
The Nosiest Family Members
So who’s most likely to butt in on personal business? According to our survey, parents took the cake, followed closely by in-laws. However, respondents ranked themselves as equally intrusive as extended family and siblings.
The data again showed a distinct shift between generations, with older generations more likely to rank in-laws high for intrusiveness, and younger generations to rank parents much higher — possibly because younger generations are less likely to be married and have in-laws at all.
Is Advice Always Unwelcome?
Our survey respondents may have ranked in-laws and parents higher than average on the intrusiveness scale, but is their advice always unwelcome and unsolicited?
The answer is a resounding no.
Of course, which family member offered the advice impacted whether they took it. Participants were most likely to turn to their mother when asking for advice, followed by fathers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and brothers. The groups they were least likely to turn to were stepparents and in-laws. Interestingly, the people most often asked for advice were also those who were most likely to give advice without being asked. And those least likely to field respondents’ questions — in-laws and stepparents –– were much less likely to offer unsolicited advice.
Advice We Appreciate
Which categories of advice were respondents most likely to take? And, even more importantly, which pieces of advice had the greatest impact on their happiness?
As it turns out, people are least likely to take advice when it comes to raising their kids, whether or not to have kids, their marriage, and their looks and body. When they do take advice, they’re happiest with words of wisdom regarding vacation time, marriage, career and education, and believe it or not, raising kids.
Family Advice: Are We Doing It Wrong?
Those who took family advice on their body and money reported higher levels of satisfaction in the end. So perhaps it’s time to retire the stereotype of the intrusive busybody parent and in-law, and instead listen with minds and hearts open to different perspectives, solutions, and ideas.
Methodology
We surveyed 1,000 Americans to find out how they feel about advice, both solicited and unsolicited, from their family members.
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